Jokes ala DBZ
by Tell Bell
Summary: some funny jokes.................(dun dun dun).........DBZ style!!!
1. Default Chapter

Title: DB Jokes  
Author: Aya-chan  
Disclaimer: i've seen this concept done before, but i found some funny jokes that i could fit to Dragon ball so......what the hell. I dont own Dragonball and if you think i do than you shouldnt be reading this.  
  
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Fingers   
One evening Gohan was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, Videl asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called Videl for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to hospital.   
  
As they were ready to go out the door, Pan came home from a date with Trunks. After being informed of the problem, Trunks said he could get the peanut out. Trunks told Gohan to sit down, then shoved two fingers up Gohans nose and told him to blow hard.   
  
When Gohan blew, the peanut flew out. Videl and Pan jumped and yelled for joy. Trunks insisted that it was nothing and Pan brought Trunks out to the kitchen for something to eat.   
  
Once he was gone Videl turned to Gohan and said, "That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be as he gets older?"   
  
The father replied "From the smell of his fingers,... our son in-law!"   
  
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Torture. (lets assume that Trunks cant fly)  
Trunks is out in the wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and Trunks can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home.  
  
He knocks on the door and a man answers. The man, Gohan, squints his eyes and says, "What do you want?" Trunks says, "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight." Gohan says, "I'll let you come in on one condition: you cannot mess around with my daughter." Trunks, exhausted and hungry, readily agrees, saying, "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning." Gohan counters, "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst torture tests ever known to man."  
  
"OK, OK," Trunks says as he entered the old house. Well, that night, when Trunks comes down to eat (after showering), he sees how beautiful the daughter, Pan, is. She's an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many, many months without companionship and well, they can't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal.  
  
That night, Trunks sneaks into Pans' bedroom and they have quite a time, but try to keep the noise down to a minimum. Trunks creeps back to his room later that night thinking to himself, 'Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience.'  
  
Well, the next morning Trunks awakes to a heavy weight on his chest. He opens his eyes and there's this huge rock on his chest. On the rock is a sign saying "1st torture test: 100 lb rock on your chest". 'What a lame torture test,' Trunks thinks to himself as he gets up and walks over to the window. He opens the shutter and throws the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". Trunks, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".  
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123   
After a few years of married life , Gokuu finds that he is unable to perform anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.   
  
Finally the doctor says to him "this is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confess, " I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."   
  
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.   
  
The witch doctor tells , "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke........ The witch doctor says "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"   
  
Goku then asks the witch doctor "What happens when it's over?"   
  
The witch doctor says "all you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"   
  
Goku goes home and that night he is ready to surprise Chichi with the good news....... So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets an erection.   
  
Chichi turns over and says "What did you say '123' for?"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Trying Not To Miss The Exam   
Goten, Trunks, and Uubu were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to West City and party with some friends up there. They had a great time. However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Satan City until early Monday morning.   
  
Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.   
  
They explained that they had gone to West City for the weekend with the plan to come back and study but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.   
  
The Professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved.   
  
They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.   
  
They looked at the first problem, worth 5 points. It was something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room. "This is going to be easy."   
  
Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the second page was written:   
  
(For 95 points): Which tire?   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Dear Kaasan and Tousan:   
  
It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing this and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. YOU ARE NOT TO READ ANY FURTHER UNLESS YOU ARE SITTING DOWN. OKAY!   
  
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only get those sick headaches once a day.   
  
Fortunately the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called the fire department and the ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had nowhere to live, because of the burned out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him. It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to be married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.   
  
Yes Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the love, devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a chld. The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor infection which   
  
prevents us from passing our pre-marital blood tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon clear up with the penicillin injections I am taking daily.   
  
I know you will welcome him into our family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I know your oft expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am told that his father is an important gun-bearer in the village in Africa from which he came.   
  
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you that there was no dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull fracture. I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged. I do not have syphillis and there is no man (of any color) in my life. However, I am getting a 'D' in History and an 'F' in Science and I wanted you to see those marks in the proper perspective.   
  
Yours-  
Your Loving Daughter, Bra   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
The Best way to Pass an Exam   
It was the final exam for an English course at a university. Like most freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 700 students in the class.   
  
The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail. Thirty minutes into the exam, Trunks came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.   
  
"You're not going to have time to finish this," the professor stated as he handed the student a booklet.   
  
"Yes I will," replied Trunks. He then took a seat and began writing. After two hours, the students filed up and handed their exams in. All except Trunks, who continued writing. Half an hour later, he finally came up to the professor's desk and attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets.   
  
"No you don't, I'm not going to accept that. It's late!" Trunks looked incredulous and angry.   
  
"Do you know who I am?"   
  
"No, as a matter of fact I don't," replied the professor sarcastically.   
  
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" Trunks asked again.   
  
"No, and I don't care." replied the professor with an air of superiority.   
  
"Good!" replied Trunks, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and walked out of the room.   
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
From the desk of Trunks Briefs:  
To the employes of Capsule corp.  
  
If I am always yelling "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"   
  
or just because you can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan,  
  
or because of an inventive way to finally meet that hottie in Human Resources,  
  
or to be able to use the excuse "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants,"   
  
or to stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse,  
  
or if you want to see if it's like the dream,  
  
or so that with a little help from Music you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume,  
  
or so people stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them,  
  
or to divert attention from the fact that you also came to work stoned,  
  
or because it gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning,  
  
or so no one steals your chair, are bad reasons to come to work naked.  
  
Thank you,  
Trunks Briefs  
President   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
I hope to have more out soon if i get good reactions  
  
Aya-chan  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. default

Whore House Parrot   
Bulma was thinking about finding a pet to help keep her company at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; it wouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be fun to hear it speak.   
  
She went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. Bulma went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50.   
  
Delighted that such a rare looking and beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it says pretty vulgar stuff." Bulma thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird. She said she would buy it anyway. The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home.   
  
She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam." Bulma was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's not so bad."   
  
A couple hours later, Bra returned from school with Pan. When they inspected the bird, it looked at them and said, "New house, new madam, new whores." Pan, Bra and Bulma were a bit offended at first, but than began to laugh about the situation.   
  
A couple of hours later, Vejiita came back from training. The bird looked at him and said, "New house, new madam, new whores. Hi Vejiita!"   
  
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Cattle Market   
Bulma drags Vejiita to the cattle show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year"   
  
Bulma turns to Vejiita and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."   
  
They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year"   
  
Bulma turns to Vejiita and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That's over five times a month. You can learn from this one also."   
  
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year"   
  
Bulma's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY! You could really learn from this one."   
  
Vejiita turns to Bulma and says, "Go up and ask if it was 365 times with the same cow."   
  
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(lets pretend that pan gets a cool job)  
Pan and some friends were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. Pan teed off and watched in horror as her ball was shanked directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.   
  
Pan rushed down to the man, Trunks, and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me", she said earnestly.   
  
"Umph, ooh, nnoo, I'll be alright, I'll be fine in a minute", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.   
  
But Pan persisted, and Trunks finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside and began to massage him.   
  
Pan then asked him: "How does that feel?"   
  
Trunks replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
(WARNING; goten bashing ahead, Im sorry Goten, you know youre mu bud but......)  
  
Goten walks up to the bar and asks the barman for 6 shots of his strongest spirit.   
  
The barman asks if he is celebrating something . "Yes", replies Goten, "my first blow-job".   
  
"Well " the barman replies " the 7th is on the house".   
  
Goten Replies,  
  
"No offence sir but if 6 doesnt get rid of the taste then 7 wont !"   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Yamcha himself unable to satisfy his blonde girlfriend. He tried hundreds of methods but just wasn't able to do the job. He finally went to krillin and asked for advice. His friend told him not to worry because he knew a method that was 100% successful.   
  
He says, "Hire a big guy to stand near your bed and waving a huge towel over both of you while you are having sex. This way your girlfriend will be stimulated and have an orgasm."   
  
Yamcha hired the man, but all efforts were in vain. He went back to krillin and told him what happened. So Krillin suggested that they switch places.   
  
"Why don't you wave the towel while the man does the job in bed," says Krillin. Poor Yamcha agreed, and said that he would do anything to satisfy his Girlfriend. He hired the same guy again and this time they traded positions. Naturally, the blonde had a divine orgasm.   
  
Yamcha leaned over to the guy and said, "You see!! That's how you wave the towel!"   
  
  
  
Love Aya-chan


	3. well, you dont wanna know

Jokes ala DBZ part 3  
Author Aya-chan  
  
Disclaimer: If you think that a girl that lives in michigan owns a multi million dollar idea, you deserve to be beaten with a large stick (in other words i dont own db/z/gt)  
  
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(No offence to yamucha fans, this is straghit hair in a ponytail from the end of DBZ yamucha)  
Yamucha walks into a supermarket and buys:   
1 bar of soap   
1 toothbrush   
1 tube of toothpaste   
1 loaf of bread   
1 pint of milk   
1 single serving of cereal   
1 single frozen dinner The checkout girl looks at him and says, "Single, huh?"   
Yamucha replies very sarcastically, "How'd you guess?"   
She says, "Because you're ugly."   
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Goten walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," Goten explains. "What's it telling you now?" she asks. "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken then because I am wearing panties!" Goten explains, "Damn thing must be an hour fast."   
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Bulma accompanied Vejiita to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called Bulma into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."  
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, Vejiita asked Bulma, "What did the doctor say?" "You're going to die," she replied.   
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Gohan and Videl was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. Videl got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. Gohan, being a devoted husband, protested, but Videl argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. Videl, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as Gohan didn't know what costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn't around. Videl joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. Videl went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived. She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior. Videl was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" Gohan replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Kuririn, Yamucha, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"   
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(i know alot of marron fans were mad at me for my trunks and pan jokes, well just to prove that i have nothing against marron, this is for marron fans)  
  
A lawyer and Marron are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. Marron is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer: "Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50." This catches Marron's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Marron doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the Marron's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes Marron and hands her $50. Marron politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes Marron and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?" Again without a word, Marron reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.   
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(im so sorry to all Vejiita bulma fans here, but remember the parrot/vejiita the man whore joke, well this takes place after that, and after bulma has forgiven him)  
  
Vejiita spends most of his nights Working out at the gym or at a bar. One weekend, Bulma decides he needs to relax a little and for being such a good sport, sleeping on the couch for 3 months because of the whore parrot thing, so she takes him to a strip club (work with me here). The doorman at the club spots them and says "Hey Vejiita! How are you tonight?" Bulma, surprised, asks Vejiita if he has been here before. "No, no. He's just one of the guys I know from the gym." They are seated, and the waitress approaches, sees Vejiita and says "Nice to see you, Vejiita. A gin and tonic as usual?" His wife's eyes widen. "You must come here a lot!" "No, no" says Vejiita "I just know her from the bar I go to." Then a stripper walks up to the table. She throws her arms around Vejiita and says "Vejiita! A table dance as usual?" Bulma, fuming, collects her things and storms out of the bar. Vejiita follows her and spots her getting into a cab, so he jumps into the passenger seat. Bulma looks at him, seething with fury and lets Vejiita have it with both barrels. At this, the cabby leans over and says "Sure looks like you picked up a bitch tonight, Vejiita!"   
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(Ok...work with me.....Pretend trunks is married to....um....*looks at T/M and T/P fans ready to pounce at me with their fangs bared.....well you can choose who Trunks is married to...the important thing to remember is that Trunks and his wife are expecting their first baby)   
  
"Trunks' list of Seventeen fatal things to say to your wife while pregnant  
17. "I finished the Oreos."   
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."   
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!"   
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"   
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl."   
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."   
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."   
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"   
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"   
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"   
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."   
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."   
5. "Got milk ?"   
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."   
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"   
2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water." And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...   
1. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger........."   
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Trunks and Goten are out one day golfing. Trunks slices off to the right, Goten hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. Trunks is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she pissed! "What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks. "I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies Trunks. "Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!" Trunks starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience. "What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him. "I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about my friend, Goten, over there whacking the hell out of your pussy willows!"   
  
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Tell me whatcha think, sorry bout my other stories, like ive said, writers block  
Aya-chan  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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